Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jill's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2003
11:34 pm	Well today hasn't been too bad. Except for rehearsal when I wanted to throw myself into the orchestra pit, but hey. I've been exhausted all day, but I guess that's what I get when I wake up at five. And American Idol is on at 11 which means I'll have to stay up late. I can't make up my mind whether or not I should write this essay for this scholarship. I'm thinking not, just because I don't have the time. I am obsessed with Fisher lately (Lisa Fisher) I need to get her cd. Today at rehearsal Laura and I were talking about I'll Be, by Edwin McCain, and we decided that song was so sexy. LOL I don't know how a song is sexy, but this song is. I think its because it's what every girl wants. Plus, his voice is just hot. The Marine, Josh, on American Idol sang it last night...lol yeah. Let's just leave it at that. Ok, so American Idol just got over, and...wait Tim, skip this sentence, and the sexy marine won! Yes! LoL you have no idea how excited I am. He was so good. LoL when it was over, I was like I don't care if he wins American Idol, he's MY idol! LoL. and I LOVE his song. It's so hot. Seriously. LoL Tim should learn the words and sing it to me...ha like that would ever happen...anyway I need to go to bed. I am so excited! Current Mood: excited Current Music: I'll Be-Edwin McCain (Or Josh??) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
10:17 pm	Well I'm still in a decent mood over 12 hours after my last post,at least until now, cause I just got some bitchin hiccups that really hurt. Anyway besides that I hate drama, and english. And I wrote an editoral for the paper and I mentioned my guidance counslers name in it, so I had to get her approval, and now she thinks I'm psycho. But I was just kidding in the whole thing. I'm gonna post it so you can read it: Do you ever have one of those days when you just can't stand to be around anyone? When you walk into homeroom and yell, "I hate everyone!" before storming to your seat? Well since I have one of those days every day, I thought I'd let you know a few good ways to blow off some steam. First of all, drink lots and lots of caffeine. They say it makes you jittery, but I think it just gives you plenty of backup energy for when you need to go spastic. Second of all, vent to your friends. Then vent to your teachers. Then complain until people are so fed up with your whining they'll do anything to shut you up. Or better yet, plot out a long detailed dialogue of just what you're going to say to the person who is getting on your nerves. then when you see them in the hall, just smile politely and say "Hello Mitzy, how are you today?" Then when you're walking away, mutter about how much you dislike her under your breath. Another idea is, in a violent rage destroy one of your most favorite possessions; it's sure to make you feel better...well maybe not after you've realized exactly what you've done. Finally, go to your guidance counsler, shut the door, and just yell as loud as you can. Then smile and say "Thanks, I feel better", and walk out. Actually I can't guarantee any of these methods will make you feel better, because I've tried them all to no avail. They make you feel better at first, but not in the long run. But they are all fun to try...and guidance loves it when you come screaming into their office...really. Now I didn't think that was psycho, but hey, that could just be me. Current Mood: excited Current Music: Bloody Valentine-Good Charlotte (Comment on this)
7:11 am	Well, the good news is I was in a much better mood yesterday than the day before. Not a good mood...but better. Anyway, I quit the senior show yesterday. It's a whole lot of stress off me, but I feel bad. That would have put me in an even 10 McAuley shows...oh well. I'm still gonna have to go see it too, as much as I don't want to. And then I went to the library and got out Catcher in the Rye, and a couple of other books, so that put me in a good mood too. The bad thing however is that I have a terrible essay due on friday, and I need to get my ass in gear and write it. But other than that, I'm ok...I have to go, before I'm late for school, but I wanted to update from yesterday's depressing entry. Current Mood: okay Current Music: In My World- Avril Lavine (Comment on this)
Monday, February 3rd, 2003
11:08 pm	Why do I hate everything? Why do I get into these moods where all I want to do is piss people off? But I don't really want to. I say stuff and I say stuff and I sit there wondering why I'm doing it, and I get so frustrated with myself. I feel like I can't breathe. And I hate living at home. I can't handle it anymore. My mom needs to give up the idea that I'm still 10 years old. I'm not. Tim says that she can control me because I live with her and she supports me, but it's not like I want to go out and do anything bad. I mean really. So what if I want to drive up to OSU alone...oh no, not two hours away by yourself. What, would she rather I go out and get drunk or smashed? Seriously. I can't stand it. I'm suffocating I wish you knew what it were like to be me when all you want is to stand up and scream but no matter how hard you try to let go you bottle it up until you explode trapped in this life with no way out with all the pain, worry, and self doubt no one understands how you keep it all inside How you open that door in your mind to try and hide You try to smile on the outside while screaming in your heart No wonder it feels like you're being ripped apart every second you conceal the way you really feel people wonder why you're so depressed but they don't see all the trials and your tests You try to keep your head up and let it all breeze past while your heart is breaking and your eyes are so downcast That's what I would say, to explain it all to you But I'd rather keep on tellin all the things that are not true Like I'm happy and I know it I just don't know how to show it Anything that you'll believe to make it so you can't see Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: I'm with You-Avril Leviegne (Comment on this)
9:48 pm	I knew I couldn't stay happy for too long. But I think it's a record of some sorts. Anyway, I just found out Rachel died, and that just really really sucks. I keep thinking about a shirt I saw at churchwith her picture on it that said "Miracles do Happen"...and I keep thinking yeah right. Not to mention that Josh's birthday would've been next Saturday...he would've been 18...and I just keep thinking that everything really freakin sucks. It just sucks. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Complicated-Good Charlotte (Comment on this)
8:05 pm	It's a miracle! For once I am in a good mood. Someone mark this down in their calander. LoL Today was pretty decent. Nikki and I went and saw A Guy Thing, which was really cute, but it just made me think guys are jerks...well...I already thought that. But not you Timmy. And we decided we're going to the Sum 41, No Use for A Name concert and I am SO excited about that. Well, maybe not. It's at Bogarts, and that place is like one big mosh pit. And we all know how I do in mosh pits...can we say Five Iron Frenzy? Like when I had to be rescued by the college boys...well, come to think of it...that wasn't too bad....lol. And I really want to go the Kenny Chesney concert, but I don't know if it's going to happen or not. I am so pissed at myself. I left like all my homework at school, which means I am going to have to get up there early tomorrow so I can do it. Oh well. I am still so sore from soccer. That break killed me. My abs hurt...ok, so if I had abs they would hurt, so I guess I should just say my abdominal muscles hurt. LoL. ANyway, I'm going to go. Everyone be happy I was in a good mood today...YAY Current Mood: happy Current Music: Chasing Rainbows-No Use for a Name (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
11:53 pm	My legs are so freakin sore. It's been too long since I've played soccer. But I scored today. Yeah! Go Me! Too bad it was a cake penalty shot, and if I would've missed, I should've been shot. But hey, it's the fact that I scored that counts right? But besides that, you know what I hate? TV. It sucks. Movies too. People say that stuff like that doesn't affect your self image, but they are full of it. This is why I hate watching tv. I hate feeling ugly. And I hate seeing all those girls who are prettier than me (Like the olsen twins and britney spears)Ahh. And I hate the way girls are so able to make themselves look like sex objects on tv. Seriously. Like Christina Aguilera's Dirrty video. Or in Not Another Teen Movie, where the exchange student walks around without her shirt on the entire movie (By the way, Nikki and I figured out her boobs are lopsided, and the left one is bigger than the right one) But besides that, it's terrible for them to do stuff like that. I hate it because it makes guys see as just things that they can just touch or grab or do whatever to, whenever they want to. And that new video game, the extreme beach volleyball where you can make the girls play naked. it's so degrading/ Amd then it just makes all the other girls feel terrible about themselves. Yeah, like I just watched Crossroads...um, remind me to never eat again, ok? It just pisses me off And in other news Kenny Chesney is going to be in Lexington on the 22nd. I'm going to see if I can con Kelly into going with me Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Naked- Goo Goo Dolls (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
11:46 pm	I hate everyone. If you dont' know what I'm pissed about, too bad because I don't feel like writing all of it. Just ask me, I'd rather complain about it loudly anyway. I hate everything. Seriously I'd like to know why nothing ever goes right? And why my life always sucks. And why the only thing that doesn't always suck is Tim. And why I just can't handle it. It must just be me. I should be able to do this on my own, and i hate the fact that I have to whine so much to feel better. If I were poor Tim I would shoot me. I wanna know why I get so stressed out I feel like I could explode, and all I can think about is pulling a Holly...and if you don't get it, don't ask, cause I'm not explaining. That's all I can think about though, and how it helped her be not so stressed, or at least helped her feel better a little bit. But I won't do it. I just feel like everything happening is my fault and I should be doing something to stop it, that if I were better it wouldn't be happening. You know what I was thinking...there is not a single girl at McAuley who isnt' self destructive. I'm going to start calling it the McAuley complex...whether it's cutting or not eating, or telling herself she's ugly or not good enough, or not smart enough. No one at that school is happy I'm telling you. We all need personal psychologists. I was sitting there today in study hall listening to the table next to me, and they were all talking about their past suicide attempts. Well isn't that just great. Too bad it's too cold outside. I might be forced to go jump off the bridge. Here's my quote for the day..."I like long walks, especially when taken by people who annoy me" Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Hold on - Good Charlotte (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
8:46 pm	Well, today has lasted just about forever. Sorry I didn’t’ post yesterday but I fell asleep at like 8 and didn’t get back up until this morning. So that’s my excuse, sorry. Anyway, I’m in a weird mood today. I feel like I just watched my whole day go by. Do you ever feel like that? Where you feel like you’re just watching everything happen, but you aren’t really there? That’s what I felt like all day. It was strange. I got a letter in the mail from CHPC about a Croatia meeting, and I’ve come to quite a few conclusions that I really don’t like. WARNING-I’m going to talk about the G-o-d word, so if you don’t want to hear it, you’d better just stop reading now. Anyway, for those who know me fairly well, you know how I am about God. I used to be very not really religious, but I guess more spiritual. I don’t really have a “religion” except for the fact that I am Christian, and I have some very strong beliefs in that area. However, I feel that lately I am just so apathetic toward anything like that, and I hate it. I think I’m avoiding it because it scares me to think about. And I also think I’m avoiding it because Tim doesn’t like to talk about it. That’s one thing that I just hate, and sorry Timmy, if you read this, you may want to stop here. But anyway, I always wanted someone who had the same spiritual convictions that I did. Not necessarily the same beliefs, because I know that is impossible, and everyone is different. But my “requirements” if you want to go as far to call them that is that I wanted someone who was Christian, and who had the same desire to know God as I did. But with Tim, I mean, I appreciate his efforts, because he does go to church for my benefit, but I can tell he doesn’t want to be there, and I really think that in order to get something from Church you have to put something in, and I just don’t see him doing it. And it’s not just that. I mean I know everyone has their own way to communicate or worship or whatever, but it’s the fact that I don’t even feel comfortable talking about it to him, I wish I could just ask him what he thinks about certain things or how he feels about things, or express my opinion without getting shot straight down. I don’t think he realizes how sensitive I feel in this subject. I can’t handle any little zinging remarks flung in my direction from him. I don’t think he means to, and he probably doesn’t even see it, but it just keeps me from even discussing it with him at all. And I hate that more than anything. I just wish that he would even be open to talking about it. And I think the fact that he’s so apathetic about it is having a bad influence on me as well. I’ve noticed a direct correlation between whether or not I’ve prayed, or read my bible as to my mood of the day. I think that’s why I’m so cranky all the time. I’ve just been ignoring God, and focusing on things that really don’t matter. And please don’t get me wrong, I love Tim so much, with everything I have in me, I’m not saying I don’t, I’m simply saying that this is the one thing that upsets me in our relationship, is the fact that I can’t discuss something with him that used to be, and hopefully will be again, so important to me. I just wish I could bring up stuff about God when it’s bothering me, or when I want to talk about it. And I would really like to pray with him, as dumb as it sounds, and I just can’t . I’m too afraid to even broach the subject. Actually that’s the reason I’m writing this here, because I know Timmy reads it, and I’m too scared to just tell him how I feel. OH, and by the way, if anyone is still here reading, I got the job in the office! Woohoo! LoL sorry that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Oh well. I wish I could tell you just how I feel But I’m not quite sure of how you would deal If I opened my mouth and GOD poured out And I could tell you, without a doubt How confused I really am, How much I need you to be a Godly man How I want to be able to speak of such things Without the repercussions it so often brings I love you so much that my heart it aches But there are also things that make it break That I can’t share how deeply I feel And that you don’t understand that He is so real And I hate how I can’t hold your hand and pray I guess I’m just scared of what you would say I don’t want to lose you, if I did I would die I just wish you would try To understand how hard it is To keep back the very reason I live So I guess this is me, telling you how I feel And hoping that you can somehow deal. Current Mood: weird Current Music: A Moment Like This-Kelly Clarkson (shutup I know it's dumb) (Comment on this)
Monday, January 20th, 2003
8:07 pm	I don't have too much to say today, except I actually had a good day. I went up to Kings Island early this morning, and even though everything is still all screwed up, I at least got to file my paperwork. I want that job in the office so bad. If I don't get it I will be pissed! Extremely. And then Timmy came over and we went shopping, but didn't actually end up buying anything. And then he came over and just hung out, but it was fun, except for the one time I got mad at him...which I am not getting into now. But anyway, I've managed to get through the day without crying, which is a good thing. Current Mood: content Current Music: Say Anything-Good Charlotte (Comment on this)
1:23 am	I don't understand my mood swings. One second I can be so upset and hurt over something, the next second I'll be the happiest person alive, and then I'll be bitchy for no reason. I make no sense to me. But anyway, that stupid girl from Kings Island never called. I'm about to just say screw it. Then Timmy came over, and we went out later, to church, and then to the bookstore. Then when we got back to my house at like 9 we went sled riding across the street. It was so much fun, cause it was dark, and no one else was there, so we didnt' have to worry about running over any little kids or anything. And then the last time he tried to pull me up the hill on the sled, and was like nope, can't do it, and just picked up the end and tipped me off into the snow! LoL it was funny. So I just laid there, and he came and laid next to me, and we were just looking up at the sky, and everything seemed so perfect I just wanted to stay there forever. But then of course my butt went numb through my jeans and it started getting cold. So we went inside. Sigh. You know if we go to war and Bush reinstates the draft, and my Timmy gets drafted, I'm going to be some kind of pissed. We were talking about that too. I'll have to go have a serious talk with Mr. President. Current Mood: moody Current Music: Katie and Tommy-Trisha Yearwood (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 19th, 2003
1:08 am	Today has been a very emotionally trying day for me. First I go up to KI, to do my returner processing thing, and they say they haven't placed me yet, and to come back up tomorrow. That in itself pisses me off, because I live in bufu compared to PKI. But anyway, I doubt I'm going to get the job I want anyways. Then I went to my dad's house, and took Tim with me. And everytime I go to my dad's it takes this huge emotional toll on me. Then we went to Tim's uncle's house to see their new baby, and his uncle has the least amount of tact of anyone I've ever met. Seriously. First he says stuff about my dad and mom not living together, then he makes fun of my car, then the fact that I'm not catholic, and then he implies Tim and I are having sex, which we aren't, and he says, dont' worry, I know how you Catholic school girls are. I was pissed. And then of course i take it all out on Tim because I have no other way to let out my emotions, and he just sits there and takes it. He doesn't get mad, he doesn't yell, nothing. I was literally sitting there yelling, Come on, I want to fight, get mad at me damnit, and he just takes it. And to me, I just have no idea why he loves me this much, and why he puts up with so much crap. I try so hard not to let my mood swings take over, but somehow they always win, and he always just puts up with it. i'm just waiting for the day he leaves, I know it's inevitable, I mean I wouldn't want to stay with me. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Concrete Angel-Martina McBride (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 18th, 2003
1:28 am	Well it's been a long time since I wrote here, but I thought I would kind of start up again now that everyone has forgotten. Before I felt like I had to be censored, because people I know read this, and if I let loose then I have to deal with their questions, when all I want is to be left alone. So please, if I know you, and you're reading this, please dont' mention it to me, otherwise I'll have no stress outlet. I'm having a really hard time lately, especially at home. I just feel like I'm drowning here. Like I seem like I should be fine, but I'm choking to death on the air. Now I understand why people run track. It must be so nice, just to take off running, feel like you're flying. Remind me to try it if I ever have the urge to run...but remind me to call the life squad before I even leave, I'm sure I'll need it. It's just all I can do right now to keep holding on. Oh well, this too shall pass...I just hope it comes soon. I'll try to keep this updated fairly regularly, but then again, who knows. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Hold on, by Good Charlotte (download this song, it's great) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
5:36 pm	Arg! I am not having a good day, but the weird thing is is that I'm not really upset about it. Which is good because it means I'm not letting it get to me. So I'm going to vent right now, and then go put on some good music and act crazy for awhile. First of all, tonight is Timmy's date...hmph. We'll just have to see about that. I so would have gone up there if I didn't have rehearsal. I'm having a lot of animosity towards this girl at this moment...Anyway, I don't understand why all my teachers hate me. Seriously, yesterday my precal teacher told me I whine so much I belong in daycare...to which I replied good, at least if I'm in daycare I don't have to do precal...yeah, that kinda pissed her off. And then my Marine Bio teacher told me my starfish I made was ugly...ok, so maybe it was slightly ugly, but it wasn't that bad, and besides I'm not very artistic, and I did try hard. And then my creative writing teacher told me I have a high pitched and whiny voice, and I got yelled at in Relationships cause I said every guy I ever knew who went to Elder was a big hillbilly. So I'm boycotting the teachers. They piss me off. But not as much as Tim does. He just doesn't ever listen to me. Like he'll be busy and I tell him to go, but he doesn't, and instead of just listening to me in the first place, he complains about how he has stuff he has to do...dummy! I told you to go! He hears, but he doesn't really listen, and it drives me insane...or else he just doesn't respond to anything I say anyway. AHH. Sorry. But I have been making a lot of new friends lately, which is really cool, like me and Holly have been getting really tight, which is awesome. She was comforting me the other night when I was crying over a jerk who will remain nameless. She's such a sweetheart. She told me "if he doesn't realize what a precious, special, beautiful jewel he has, then he's not worth it. This is one of those times that is going to test your relationship, but your going to pass with flying colors, I know you are, because he loves you, he really does." Which only made me cry harder, and then she told me to get out of my damn car and give her a hug, only I couldn't cause my door is broken, so that was really funny. And I actually think I passed my precal quiz today, so we'll find out. Well, it's off to rehearsal I go, the play is in two days...what a joke! That, and I want something cute from the nameless jerk! Current Mood: restless Current Music: You got it Bad- Usher (Comment on this)
Monday, November 11th, 2002
3:52 pm	Grrr I am pissed. Mindy, you know about the email I wrote to Pat, Stephen, and Brian, but for anyone else (aka Timmy) who may read this and not know, I wrote an email to Pat, Stephen and Brian. Pat is the head pastor at my church, Stephen is...well I don't know what Steven is, and Brian is my youth leader. Well anyway, I wrote them an email about postmodernism in the church, and finding new ways to bring it in since our church is so traditional it makes my teeth hurt, and I mentioned about how I was mad about them making Pete leave, and here's what Stephen said to that, and I quote "I know that Pete's departure was very painful. I am sorry that it hurt you." Oh no. YOU do not tell me you know Pete's departure was painful. Why don't you try looking at it from my perspective you big dumb jerk? You just randomly fire one of my favorite people in the entire world. You just take him away, and you won't even let him come to church here anymore, and you tell me you know it was painful??? You weren't the one with tears streaming down your face when Pete left, or when Pat told us in celebration. You weren't the one who made Book of Order shirts and made a petition, and asked questions that the head pastor didn't even know the answer to. You didn't try everything in your power to get stubborn people to change their mind and have it fail time and time again. So you don't tell me you know it was painful. What you felt wasn't half of what I felt. You didn't feel like your heart was being ripped out of your body, and trampled on. You didn't feel betrayed by the one place in the world where you thought you could trust people. Don't even feed me that bull. I am pissed. And don't apologize either. You shouldn't be sorry, you just shouldn't have done it in the first place. Look what you've done to our church, and to our youth. You suck. Ok. I have vented, now I need to go write a civil reply. Thanks for reading. But wait. Now I have to vent about Tim, so if you're reading this Timmy, you better just stop now cause I'm pretty mad at you and I don't want you to read this, but writing it will make me feel better. So stop here. Ok, you had your chance, if you insist on being stubborn I hold no responsiblity for the things I'm going to say. Ok, so anyway, all I wanted this weekend was for Timmy to come home for one day. Do you think that is too much to ask? I really needed someone around this weekend, and Mindy you're stuck in Texas, so I know you can't come, but really, OSU is an hour and a half away. It isn't that far. But no. I obviously wasn't important enough to come back for. Even though LaTonia is going to have her baby tomorrow (they're inducing her labor at 7:00am, so pray for her) and things are not looking good at all. I mean, she in all honesty could die. I can't handle this right now, and my jerk of a boyfriend won'nt even come back to comfort me for awhile. No, instead I'm sitting at home by myself crying on my keyboard, complaining about him, which obviously isn't going to do anything. So I'm leaving. I hope your day was better than mine. Current Mood: and scared Current Music: Boys suck- It'll be by me as soon as I write it (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 10th, 2002
8:08 pm	It's official. I've come to the conclusion that I am insane. Really I am. I don't know what my problem is, but I am really getting on my own nerves, I feel sorry for all the other people who have to deal with me too. Here, you can read one of my weirdo poems Fly in the seas, swim in the sky please dont forget to kiss me goodbye my tears they fall, like the oceans rain insane pain; cuts, tears, rips at my heart, so far away I can't make you stay Fly away, away from here, here and now, now or never never say never, is never forever? Forever young, young and free free like a bird, I wish that were me Soar, fly, scream out loud do it until the pain comes out Cry, sob, shake, and flee I just don't remember how to be me See, I told you I'm insane, that was just weird. Plus the fact that it makes no sense, but hey, it's ok Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Chasing Rainbows- No Use for A Name (Comment on this)
Friday, November 8th, 2002
9:20 pm	i went shopping... Yeah, well today was pretty nice cause I didn't go to school. I just stayed home and slept. It was great. Then I went to the costume shop and the lady was really mean. I was complaining about one of my dresses being ugly to one of my friends, and she was like come here, so I went over there and she was like, you know what? I used to be a size 26 (and she wasn't even skinny either,I was smaller than her), and I know what it's like not to get the pretty dresses because they don't fit, but you just have to deal with it. I've been there, and i know it's hard...I quit listening just about then, cause I was pissed.Ok, first off, ALL the dresses were ugly. Secondly I know I am not skinny, but neither do I wear anything close to a size 26. I was soo mad. So then I had to go shopping so I wouldn't feel ugly anymore. So I got cute clothes and then I felt better. So that's my story of the day, maybe tomorrow will be more interesting. Current Mood: groggy Current Music: Till you come back to me again-Garth Brooks (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
10:59 pm	story Yeah yeah, I KNOW I haven't updated in forever. I'm sorry ok? Life gets in the way. Anyway, for all of my devoted fans (yeah, all two of you) I am back yet again. Things have been decent lately, drama and precal are keeping me insane though. So for Timmy, here is my morbid story I wrote in creative writing class today, the one that caused my teacher to tell me she was worried. LoL The sun shone brightly, flickering off the red and gold autumn leaves. The weather was perfect for their plan, the sky was crisp and blue and a slight cool breeze rustled the trees. Jamie and her boyfriend Mark cruised down the obscure backroads on their way to a pumpkin patch buried deep withing the countryside. Jamie rolled her window down and fiddled with the radio, sighing in contentment. Everything was going perfectly right now. She knew she had aced her English test, and her brother Jake had just passed his third year anniversary of being cancer free. And...suddenly Jamie was yanked from her reverie as Mark yelled and swerved to avoid slamming into a deer. The car hit the curb and bounced off the road. The quiet forest atmosphere was destroyed by the vehicle careening out of control. They hit a tree and rolled once, twice, right into a deep stream who's peaceful, glassy surface shattered under the car's weight. There it sat, in the stillness and unnatural silence. Nothing moved, and even the wind had ceased to blow. Slowly the stream rediscovered it's path, enclosed over the car, and began it's cheerful bubbling as the birds once again resumed their chirping, oblivious to the tragedy Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Not Today- Avril Leviegne (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
7:46 pm	I am kind of in an odd mood. I don't know why. Today wasn't too bad of a day, except I totally bombed my government test. But oh well. I got a 94 on my Precal test (Gee, there is a funny connection with how my grades in math are and when Tim is around)LoL. Really, there is nothing too interesting to write about today. We got to make a list of things that drive us crazy today in creative writing. I think I'm gonna post it, just cause it's interesting. So, here goes, Things tht drive me crazy: Signs that say Flagger ahead, when there is no flagger, bad spelling, hypocrites, violence, people who don't listen, mean people, war, politics, terrorists, when I can't fall asleep, wearing socks and shoes, when I don't get my way, bugs, when people don't see the obvious, when people only see the obvious, when people spend hours on their hair and makeup and trivial things, and no time on improving their innerselves, when people are afraid to express thier beliefs because they aren't "cool", people who make fun of others, people who don't stand firm in their faith and morals, boys, when people think they're so much smarter than me, When I'm not the best, when people wear socks with sandals, fannypacks, stupid people, rude people, depressing moods, when parents yell at their kids, evil, seats on airplanes, clutter, disorganization, and Britney Spears. So that's that. LoL aren't you so enlightened now? Oh well. I can't wait until next week when I get to see my Timmy. I am so excited. And I get to pick up my pictures tomorrow. Woohoo! LoL. Anyway, I think I'm going to go now. Thanks for stopping by. Current Mood: weird Current Music: World's Greatest- R Kelly (Comment on this)
Monday, October 7th, 2002
4:54 pm	Well...I'm back home. Boo. LoL I miss Rice already. Today wasn't a bad day except I was totally exhausted. I fell asleep in like three classes. It was funny. Actually, I want to post something that I wrote today in creative writing, mostly for Mindy's benefit, because she experienced it too. Our prompt was black umbrellas, so here it is: Black umbrellas remind me of funerals. Gray clouds, with people wearing dark clothes, crowded together underneath big black umbrellas, crying for their loss. No matter what the weather is during a funeral, it always rains in the memories. My mom told me the weather was perfect that June day, warm sun, bright blue sky, and a slight breeze, but what can be perfect when you're going to the funeral of a friend? A friend who was entirely too young to die, after all, he was just 16. A friend who's death was completely unexpected, who would've thought he had a heart condition? He seemed so healthy. In my mind I remember rain. I remember the black threatening clouds being ripped open by the unexpected lightning, the thunder shaking the trees, and the cold, torrential downpour. In retrospect that must've just been how I was feeling inside. LIke I was being ripped apart, shaken to my very core, with the coldness of unspeakable dread overtaking me. People left the grave site in groups, but in my mind I see a lonely site. One person remains, hugging herself into a ball at the foot of his grave, her discarded black umbrella at her side, and her tears flowing unashamedly, as the rain poured down upon her, drowning out the sound of her cries. So, I'll leave you with that lovely and uplifting piece of work, and get on back to my homework. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Here's to the Night- Eve 6 (Comment on this)